How we participate to the SAPPE system or It is crazy everything we think we know about others!

It is crazy everything we think we know for others, in their place and above all on them !

" It is not for me that I tell you that ! It is for your own good ! "
" You will pretend that it does not touch you what I am saying to you now ! If really you did not care, you would certainly not react this way ! "
" Have you seen him ? "

All these lessons of know-how to communicate, how to live or how to be that we are able to give around us are impressive. And astonishing are these wise advices that we can distribute … to others!
These manners that we have to consider as entirely justified this right to thrust forward to our close ones made up truths are rather striking; staggering is what we elaborate all day long under the form of injunctions of normality or conformity, as well as injunctions to do (could still pass if it was only that) but also injunctions to be!

" Be a bit more reasonable … you cannot speak like this to your parents! "
" Be more courageous at last! Be a real man! "

We really have some peculiar manners! It is quite strange this way that we have to decide for others, especially those closest to us, this tendency that we have to know for them what is good and well for them. Yet we are the first ones to feel uneasy when it is them who do the same thing to us!
It is surprising, to say the least, to see us act this way and to hear us doing it!
It is curious how much we criticize and reprimand our closest ones, the amount of lectures or moralising messages that we estimate indispensable to preach them at the smallest remark or word they pronounce!
It is quite astounding still, when we think about it, everything we pretend holding as genius ideas and as all-made solutions that have already served, so-called worked and proved itself!
What is the most remarkable maybe is the quantum of energy that we are able to unfold in an inflation of explanations and comments, to attempt to persuade each other of the merit and the accuracy of our arguments, of the weight and the validity of good reasons that we always discover each time that we estimate that the one who must change is the other … of course!
I do not speak about our best feelings which always animate us, so we say. Nor the stream of laudable intentions that we never fail to bring forward and to serve again (even reheated) to justify our tactlessness and our credulity. They are hard-wearing and visibly will never go out of fashion!
Finally it is quite anachronistic, to compare dispositions that we have to adapt ourselves to the progress of technology and to let ourselves being impressed by the publicity and theses resistances that we deploy to jam on the brakes in front of discoveries which revolutionised human sciences since a century !
What more to say of massive doses and surplus of good will that we requisition in reinforcement to justify us or to abound in promises to do otherwise and better the next time or to apologize profusely in all kind of excuses!
There would also be to add to the list of our common habits, all remarks that we make wanting to be reassuring and that we are by the way only half convinced of , let us admit it, when they are not frankly suspicious as they are so little congruent and not authentic!
All things considered, it makes you wonder how come we are not better off, one another, in our relationships, since everything we say and know each other, about each other and for each other.
There must be a trick anyway for the world of relationships to turn so little round!

Upon my word, there is a trick!
In fact, there is a trick!
It is not really a magic trick! Far from it.
Amateurs of easy solutions, researchers of efficiency and handyman of quick and easy recipes, please refrain!

• It is rather a trick which requires reflection. A kind of trick to understand in the sense of «to grasp and to take with us ". It is above all a fundamental principal that we must first integrate and digest if
  first, we consider real changes in our relationships and our way to communicate,
• and second, we are really ready to accept all consequences that this commitment involves.

The trick is that nobody is fit to know for another, even if this other is near or loved, even if it is a child, a stranger, even … our worst enemy.
The other is always an alter ego, another subject, another human being.
At the very most, it belongs to us

• to give him an advice, a piece of advice, a point of view ;
• to show our sensation or of our experience in front of him or about him;
• to take a stand and to define ourselves when hearing his statements or seeing how he acts ;
• to listen and to confirm him in his way of seeing in order to allow him to hear himself ;
• to learn to spot in any relationship if we are more in a situation of giving (really), asking (openly), refusing (clearly) receiving (simply) or giving back (eventually).

Between knowing for the other and saying to the other or to stand himself as subject in front of him, lodges all the difference

• between talking for the other and talking to the other.
• between the SAPPE system and the ESPERE method

The trick that is in question here, if there is a trick, stands just in this space of possibilities, where the question comes up for each one of us, at one moment or the other, to know

• if we continue to collaborate to the non communication prevailing
• or if we give ourselves a minimum of means in order to contribute developing more lively and healthy relationships.